This title may sound like a bit of a contradiction, because surely our goals are all part of and shape our life? Yes and no; it depends on whether you set goals for yourself or whether you just let life decide what happens to you, with little or no control over this.

There is another meaning in the title though. We can set goals regularly and with plenty of meaning and purpose, only to find other events or circumstances take away our focus on these. If you have experienced this, as I have recently, it can be extremely frustrating and disappointing – you know you set those goals because they were leading you in the direction you wanted your life to go, yet you seem to be unable to re-invest your energy, time and enthusiasm in them.

Let me explain my situation and you may find this familiar to you. When I set up the Positively You™ website, I very diligently established a business plan, identifying my short and long-term goals, the resources I would need to achieve these goals with time-lines etc. I was excited, passionate about the purpose of Positively You™, and ready to invest as much of my time as possible into building the business. At the same time, I am working full-time, completing some higher education study and making sure I have quality time with my family and friends.

This was all manageable for a while. Then, my study requirements became more intensive as compulsory deadlines loomed, a parent became extremely ill which took me away from home a lot, then I got sick, closely followed by an ill husband! All in the space of two months.

When lots of external pressures build up, your physical and mental capacity to cope with these can be really challenged. Mine definitely were, to the point where the thought of tackling even the smallest activity felt like an enormous task – too big for me to cope with ‘right now’. Trouble was, the ‘right now’ has extended itself, so that I feel I have not put time and energy into the goal-directed things in my life, my website being a prime example.

Does this story sound familiar to you? Have you found yourself diverted from achieving your goals for reasons initially beyond your control? If you have, as I have, what did you do to change this? What have I done to change this frustrating situation?

The first thing I did was let myself off the hook, so to speak. I realized that the more I wound myself up about not getting back to my goals, the less motivated I felt to do anything about changing this.

Part of this ‘being kind to myself’ process included deciding what I could manage to get myself back into the swing of things. So, instead of thinking “I must write that Newsletter tonight” or “I should spend today researching”, I broke these thoughts down into smaller steps – “I will write the first two sections of the Newsletter”, “I will spend one hour after dinner doing my research”. Classic goal-setting behaviour that I had lost sight of!

Once I started changing my thinking, my actions followed, as they seemed much more achievable and naturally, I returned to the level of interest and motivation I had started with.

Oh yes, another important aspect of this process was to let myself be unwell and not expect to manage everything ‘as usual’.

It really was (and is) up to me to achieve what I want, by being realistic and recognizing when I was struggling – and finding out why I was struggling (especially when I am a steady, motivated person most of the time).

And, it is up to you – to realize that it is okay if you veer off from your goals at times, but at the same time recognizing why you have done so and putting in place a plan to return to that enthusiasm and energy those important goals provide you with.