I love to write - this is what I really want to do.

How did I discover this as my passion? It took a while (a number of years!) to realize as I have been in different jobs that require development of written material for all sorts of reasons………but the real passion is writing about what I believe, value and what I am totally interested in.

What’s you passion in life? If you had to select one thing, what would it be?

Try not to clutter your choice with a whole lot of options - really seriously think of the one thing the “floats your boat”! Because if you do this, you create the space in your thinking and your life activities to invest the time and energy into something that has total meaning for you.

I have used a lot of my ‘free time’ to engage in writing, juggling this passion with my work and my coaching services. Because I discovered this passion, I was prepared and able to successfully manage this juggling act. Where it will lead me, I believe, is to a position where I won’t have to juggle my time and focus anymore…..because I know writing is what I want to do.

So, how can you discover what your inner passion is?

Here are a couple of questions for you to consider, to help you find out what really is important, energizing and motivating in your life.

• Think of your skills. What are you really good at? Where do you apply these skills and get satisfaction from or a feeling of success as a result?
• Think about your past. When have you received positive, constructive feedback about your skills or abilities? What were you doing when you received this feedback? For example, I used to get comments such as “Where did you learn to write?” and feedback about how well I expressed an idea or concept in the written material I developed.
• When do you feel most energized and motivated? What are you doing at these times?

Maybe your inner passion is worth pursuing to achieve financial gain or freedom. Perhaps it provides you with immense satisfaction and enjoyment of life as it balances out your work commitments. Whatever the reason, discover what you really want to do to add meaning to your life.

 Have you ever felt powerless, a sense of having no control over the circumstances you find yourself in?

This feeling can be caused by any number of things, from having no plan or goals in place to map your own direction to other people and their behaviour towards you.

The second of these examples is what we will focus on here, as it is a common situation in many aspects of our lives - dealing with other people’s behaviour and attitudes at work, in business transactions, in our family lives, etc. In these situations, we can come across a whole raft of personalities, attitudes and behaviours that either complement our own (we then often forge friendships, collegial support or positive intimate relationships) or create conflict in our lives.

I can hear you say “Yes! That happens to me at work”. So what is happening in this scenario and what can you do about it?

Here’s an example I have experienced. I will talk through this scenario, then we will explore ways to deal with these behaviours, attitudes and personalities that are often so opposed to our own.

Scenario

In a past work life, I had the displeasure of working with a colleague whom I believed had little interest or respect for other people. They communicated this by speaking arrogantly to people who weren’t working in the same level of job position within the organisation, using put-downs, ignoring you if the mood took them, and most frustrating of all, who would address the senior person in a meeting in response to a question or comment I had made to them! Grrrr.

Thankfully I didn’t have to work with this person on a daily basis. But when I was in meetings with them, I would end up feeling extremely aggravated and insulted - and yes, experience a pervasive sense of powerlessness to be able to do anything about their behaviour and how it made me feel.

And I would describe myself as a reasonably assertive person!

Have you ever felt like this? Maybe you have found a way to cope with a) the person or b) the feeling of powerlessness you experience as a result or c) both?

Here is one technique I learned to use whenever I dealt with this particular person at work. And I have found it is a technique that is easily transferable to using with other people and areas in my life. It’s not rocket science and you may have come across a similar idea before now - but do you use it?

There are actually three parts to this technique, so read on…….

Prepare Beforehand

If you know or have experienced the behaviour from that person before, then be assured they will seldom change how they behave and communicate; because this is (or has become) part of their personality.

The advantage you have is knowing this and putting in place for yourself some strategies that will help you.

For example, deciding that if they let the telephone interrupt a meeting you are having with them, you are prepared to ask them to divert the phone calls until the meeting is finished. You don’t have to tell them or demand they do this; an assertive request is far more likely to be heard and listened to, therefore acted upon. Yes, you are the person having to be assertive, but we already know that the other person doesn’t communicate assertively.

Respect Your Rights

You have the right to ask for the phone to be diverted or switched off. You have the right to be spoken to civilly. You have the right to be spoken to directly, not selectively ignored.

When you want the other person to change their behaviour towards you, you need to constantly remind yourself of your rights, all the way through the interaction with them.

As you do this, use “I”statements. For example, instead of “You should have turned off the phone before we started the meeting”, try “I would appreciate it if you would turn the phone off until we have finished our meeting”, or something similar.

Dealing With Your Feelings Later

For all of your assertive communication, you can sometimes still come out of a meeting feeling angry or insulted. But I tell you, if you approach the situation - and therefore the person - assertively, you hold on to your own power. Yes, you may still have some negative feelings, but being able to say to yourself “I handled that well; I held on to my values and I communicated assertively” is far healthier than the self message “I always feel so powerless; I wish I had said…….”.

And to finish off, go and talk to someone you trust about it to release all that pent up frustration - that’s healthy!

There are numerous assertive communication techniques available to you to practice with and use in situations where you would like to regain control and your personal power. These are just a couple of ideas that may just help you. If you would like to explore this some more, my book “Dare To Be You and Create the Life You Want” has some great chapters about personal power, assertiveness and lots more. See for yourself !

Footnote

If you have experienced a feeling of powerlessness in a similar or other situation and you have discovered a way of dealing with it, I would love to hear from you. I am putting together a booklet of ideas and feedback I receive from people (citing them as the author of their idea/s of course). I see this as a great tool to share with each other and with people who find themselves in these situations and don’t know what to do.

So, if you have an idea or strategy you would like to share, send them over - lesley@positivelyou.com

 Any ideas, suggestions or strategies we can find that we can add to our toolbox of self-help is a bonus.

There are numerous strategies for helping you to make decisions, so that’s the plan in this article - to give you some tools for your own toolbox. What you have to do with these suggestions is to try them out, see what fits and what works for you.

We always have small and large decisions to make in life, from daily activities and task decisions to setting long-term goals for our future. We make decisions within our relationships, how we plan to look after our health, our career path - in fact, in every facet of our lives there are decisions to be made, even some we unconsciously make.

And we are all so different in what we find difficult or scary in the decisions we have to make.

The three tools provided here focus more on helping you with the conscious decisions facing you in your life. Some of them may not be as relevant as others, depending on what areas you find okay and areas you experience difficulties with making decisions for yourself. But these are tried and true tools that any one of us can use successfully.

1.   Write it down

When you have a significant decision to make, you can really get to grips with what you will do by writing everything down. Start with the outcome you are aiming for, then identify every step you think will be involved to get there. Making decisions around all those smaller steps is much easier.

2.    Talk to other people

Talking through the decision/s you are trying to make can be so helpful. When I find myself in a quandary as to what I should or want to do - when it’s an important decision for me - I ask for advice and support from someone else, to see what they think or what they would do in a similar situation. This can provide you with alternatives and other options you may not have considered, as you seek out other perspectives.

Make sure to talk with people who are good listeners and who won’t try to tell you what to do and make the decision for you.

3.   This is a really useful, practical tool: What is the best and worst that can happen?

Divide a piece of paper in half. At the top left-hand side, write in “What’s the best that can happen?” and on the right-hand side, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Or use language that suits you, such as “Positives” and “Negatives” or “If I do this…..” and “If I don’t do this…..” Whichever you believe will help your thinking.

Now you have spaces to brainstorm your thoughts about what would or could happen if you decide on a certain action or pathway….and what might not happen as a consequence also.

Do you get the picture?

If you think you are an indecisive person, there may be other things going on in your life that create this behaviour in you, some which you may not even be aware of. For example, you may be in a relationship where your partner is stronger or more forthright in making decisions and you find yourself letting them take over that role for both of you.

Whatever the reason for your indecisiveness, keep exploring ideas and different strategies that can help you take the indecision out of making decisions for yourself.

To explore more tools and strategies to help you make decisions, my online e-course “Values and Beliefs” is a six-week course that helps you identify your core values and realise how these guide the decisions and chocies you make in life. To find out more and to enrol, visit the Positively Shopping Guide .